Having a fleeting connection with Nanxuzi, Soseki believed that he could only find a wife who was nurturing like his mother Chie and his sister-in-law Tose. Unfortunately, Kyo was not the kind of woman who was attentive and caring towards her husband. Kyo's straightforward personality, overall, not only failed to heal Soseki's emotional wounds but instead exacerbated them. Soseki regarded Nanxuzi as the ideal woman, which was, of course, filled with idealism and fantasy.
After Nanxuzi and Hōji fell in love, Hōji introduced Nanxuzi to Soseki to study literature, and the two met again, leading to an elevation of their feelings. From Nanxuzi's works "Ivy" and "One Night," one can glimpse the subtle reasons behind Soseki's departure from Matsuyama. Subsequently, many of Nanxuzi's works resonated with Soseki's. Through their works, they consciously and sometimes unconsciously sang love songs to each other in secret.
The Sanshirō Pond at Tokyo University, named after the protagonist of Soseki's works
The Cat Grave and the Death Notice of the Cat
Nanxuzi's "The Gold Watch" was published in the September 1900 issue of "Star." When the collection "Sunny Small Sleeve" was published in 1906, it was retitled "Frosty Night." Soseki may have read this novel. In "The Gold Watch," the female protagonist Fujiko's marriage is set, and to comfort her cousin Kazuo, who is heartbroken over unrequited love, she gives him a gold watch as a memento during their painful farewell on a frosty night, "The cold wind froze the youthful blood, and the shimmering gold watch left a long lament in the frosty night."
Izumi Yanagita pointed out in "The Conversations of Deceased Literati" (1934) that Nanxuzi was originally a very vain person. Her ideal husband, besides the later Ōtsuka Hōji, also included a suitable candidate, which was Soseki. She seemed to be devoted to one of the two, handling it very skillfully.
In "The Gold Watch," Fujiko tells Kazuo, "You should see this gold watch as me, as a memento of tonight, and keep it with you forever." The heartbroken Kazuo replies, "If that's the case, I gladly accept it. Day and night, I will think of it as Fujiko." Soseki painfully thought that Kazuo's attitude was like that of a weak woman. Regarding the Kazuo shaped by Nanxuzi, Soseki felt both affection and humiliation. Thus, in "The Field of Poppies," he described throwing the gold watch onto the marble of the stove. Soseki believed that Nanxuzi "is the standard woman, always stirring his heart." Nevertheless, Soseki sharply criticized her selfishness and her queen-like strong vanity.
Soseki's sense of humiliation was also related to Hōji obtaining his doctorate degree early. The doctorate and the gold watch were extremely complex in his heart. In the autumn of the 39th year of Meiji (1906), Soseki wrote in a letter to his disciple: "Only being preoccupied with the present, thus unable to advance. It is common to suffer from not being able to become a doctor, to suffer from not being able to become a professor. A hundred years later, hundreds of doctors will turn to dust, thousands of professors will turn to mud. I want to be an ambitious person whose writings will be passed down for generations." It is unknown whether this statement is related to Hōji's doctorate.
Nanxuzi wrote in "The Living Room," "Longing is still the same as in previous years... After playing cards, we walked home together as promised. In the snow covered with refreshing moonlight, we had to choose our path and silently walked closer on the narrow path, our fingertips seemingly about to touch. Just a little more, and we would be holding hands." This describes the emotional scene of two lovers, who have been apart for ten years, reuniting with an unspoken understanding and mutual affection. Clearly, Nanxuzi was reminiscing about her youth with Soseki.
Toyotaka Komiya, one of Soseki's "Four Heavenly Kings"
Soseki's disciple Toyotaka Komiya said in "Soseki and Love," "Love is the pivot of Soseki's works and life. Those who do not grasp or understand Soseki's concept of love will see both his works and life merely as meaningless, lifeless ramblings." He also said, "I often visited Soseki's home around the time of my university graduation and often saw the two of them; their expressions were always beautiful." Komiya's words imply admiration for the rare Platonic love between his teacher and Nanxuzi. In contrast, fellow disciple Ryūnosuke Akutagawa reportedly expressed resentment, saying: "Since the feelings are so deep, why not take a more active approach, either through an affair or a tragic love?"
Hōji was, for Soseki, both a classmate and friend, as well as a rival in love, and of course, a literary material; the aesthetician Meitei in "I Am a Cat" is based on this Dr. Ōtsuka. The most striking similarity between K and the young Hōji in "Kokoro" is that the "sensei" has an astonishingly intelligent mind but is taciturn, possessing a spirit of seeking the truth and an unconventional style, which can only be based on Hōji. Growing up in the Meiji era, Hōji probably thought, like K, that love affecting the pursuit of truth was shameful. Hōji was an extremely intelligent character, and he later learned of "Soseki's feelings for Nanxuzi," so he had also continuously supported Soseki.
The first edition cover of "Kokoro"
It should be said that Nanxuzi greatly admired Soseki, and Soseki also could not forget Nanxuzi. Soseki's "Inside the Glass Door" (25) is an everlasting remembrance of her. It is said that after Dr. Hōji read this piece, he said: "I had finally begun to gradually forget this pain, but seeing those words deepened my nostalgia."
One day, Soseki was walking aimlessly on a seemingly washed-out path with a green-brown parasol. He passed by a place called Nichiyamachi Performing Arts Hall and saw a woman sitting in a caravan; her fair face was deeply imprinted in the sensei's eyes, and he was momentarily entranced. The beauty politely greeted the sensei, and only then did he realize she was Nanxuzi. Several days later, when the sensei met Nanxuzi again, he candidly said, "When I saw such a beauty, I thought she might be an artist from somewhere." Nanxuzi's face turned slightly red, but she accepted the sensei's compliment without any displeasure. After quite some time, Nanxuzi went to Waseda to find the sensei, but unfortunately, the sensei was arguing with Kyo at that moment. Nanxuzi talked with Kyo for ten minutes before leaving. Feeling that he had been neglectful, the sensei later went to Nishikata to apologize specifically.
On November 9, 1910, in the lunar calendar, Nanxuzi passed away in a villa in Ōiso, leaving behind three daughters and a nearly two-year-old son, at the age of 36. Now, in the cemetery in Tabata, Tokyo, Soseki rests in Zōshigaya Cemetery, and Nanxuzi's grave is also here, gazing at each other from a hundred years away. To mourn the prematurely deceased Nanxuzi, Soseki once composed a famous haiku: "All the chrysanthemums, thrown into the coffin, cannot comfort the mourning heart."
Zōshigaya Cemetery, Soseki's grave
Soseki's "Ten Nights of Dreams" (First Night) naturally rises in my heart. The woman who left behind the words "Please wait for me for a hundred years" before passing away and the talented woman resting in the grave naturally merge in my heart. The novel concludes with: "The pure white lilies are refreshing, and the dew drops from above onto the flowers. The flowers tremble and sway under their own weight. I stretch my neck to kiss the lily petals in the cold dew, and when my face moves away from the flowers, I inadvertently catch sight of the distant sky, where a morning star twinkles alone. This full hundred years has arrived!"
Shuzenji
Shuzenji's major illness: On June 16, 1910, Soseki was diagnosed with a stomach ulcer, hospitalized on June 18, and left for Shuzenji for recuperation on August 6. His condition worsened, and in Shuzenji, Soseki vomited blood three times, the third time amounting to 500 milliliters, losing consciousness for thirty minutes, and then lay in bed for another six months.
The Kikuya inn in Shuzenji Onsen, where Soseki once recuperated