Having brushed past his connection with Natsukiko, Sōseki believed that he could only find a wife in women rich in maternal qualities, like his mother Chie and his sister-in-law Tōsei. Unfortunately, Kyōko was not the kind of woman who was attentive and nurturing towards her husband. Kyōko's straightforward personality, overall, not only failed to heal Sōseki's emotional wounds but instead exacerbated them. Sōseki regarded Natsukiko as the ideal woman, which was, of course, filled with idealism and fantasy.
After Natsukiko and Hōji fell in love, Hōji introduced Natsukiko to Sōseki to study literature, and the two met again, leading to a deepening of their feelings. From Natsukiko's works "Ivy" and "One Night," one can glimpse the subtle reasons behind Sōseki's departure from Matsuyama. Subsequently, many of Natsukiko's works resonated with Sōseki's. Through their works, they consciously and sometimes unconsciously sang love songs to each other in secret.
The Sanshirō Pond at the University of Tokyo, named after the protagonist of Sōseki's work
The Cat Grave and the Death Notice of the Cat
Natsukiko's "The Gold Watch" was published in the September 1900 issue of "The Star." When her collection "Sunny Small Sleeves" was published in 1906, it was retitled "Frosty Night." Sōseki may have read this novel. In "The Gold Watch," the female protagonist Fujiko's marriage is set, and to comfort her cousin Kazuo, who is heartbroken over unrequited love, she gives him a gold watch as a memento during their painful farewell on a frosty night, saying, "The cold wind froze the youthful blood, and the shimmering gold watch left a long lament in the frosty night."
Izumi Yanagita pointed out in "The Conversations of the Deceased Literati" (1934) that Natsukiko was originally a very vain person. Her ideal husband, besides the later Ōtsuka Hōji, also included a suitable candidate, which was Sōseki. She seemed to be devoted to one of the two, handling it very skillfully.
In "The Gold Watch," Fujiko tells Kazuo, "You should see this gold watch as me, as a memento of tonight, and keep it with you forever." The heartbroken Kazuo replies, "If that's the case, I gladly accept it. Day and night, I will think of it as Fujiko." Sōseki painfully thought that Kazuo's attitude was like that of a weak woman. Regarding the Kazuo shaped by Natsukiko, Sōseki felt both affection and humiliation. Thus, in "The Field of Poppies," he described throwing the gold watch onto the marble of the stove. Sōseki believed that Natsukiko "is the standard woman, always stirring his heart." Nevertheless, Sōseki sharply criticized her selfishness and her queen-like strong vanity.
Sōseki's sense of humiliation was also related to Hōji obtaining his doctorate early on; the doctorate and the gold watch were extremely complex in his heart. In the autumn of 1906, Sōseki wrote in a letter to his student: "Only being preoccupied with the present, one cannot advance. Thus, suffering from not being able to become a doctor, suffering from not being able to become a professor, is common. A hundred years later, hundreds of doctors will turn to dust, and thousands of professors will become mud. I aspire to leave my writings to be remembered for a hundred generations." It is unknown whether this statement is related to Hōji's doctorate.
Natsukiko wrote in "The Living Room," "Longing is still the same as in previous years... After playing cards, we walked home together as promised. On the snow covered with refreshing moonlight, we had to choose our path and silently walked closer on the narrow path, our fingertips seemingly about to touch. Just a little more, and we would be holding hands." This describes the heart-pounding scene of two lovers, who have been apart for ten years, reuniting. Clearly, Natsukiko was reminiscing about her youth with Sōseki.
Toyotaka Komiya, one of the "Four Heavenly Kings" under Sōseki
Sōseki's disciple Toyotaka Komiya said in "Sōseki and Love," "Love is the pivot of Sōseki's works and life. Those who do not grasp or understand Sōseki's concept of love will see his works and life merely as meaningless, lifeless ramblings." He also said, "I often visited Sōseki's home around the time of my university graduation and often saw Natsukiko; their expressions were always beautiful." Komiya's words imply admiration for the rare Platonic love between his teacher and Natsukiko. In contrast, fellow disciple Ryūnosuke Akutagawa reportedly expressed resentment, saying: "Since the feelings are so deep, why not take a more active approach, either through an affair or a tragic love?"
Hōji was, for Sōseki, both a classmate and friend, as well as a rival in love, and of course, a literary material; the aesthetician Meitei in "I Am a Cat" is based on this Dr. Ōtsuka. The most striking similarity in "Kokoro" is between K and the young Hōji; the "sensei" in "Kokoro" has an astonishingly intelligent mind but is taciturn, possessing a spiritual quest and an unconventional style, and K's prototype can only be Hōji. Growing up in the Meiji era, Hōji probably thought, like K, that love affecting the pursuit of truth was shameful. Hōji was an extremely intelligent character, and he later learned of "Sōseki's feelings for Natsukiko," so he had often supported Sōseki.
The first edition cover of "Kokoro" (Heart)
It should be said that Natsukiko greatly admired Sōseki, and Sōseki also could not forget Natsukiko. Sōseki's "Inside the Glass Door" (Twenty-Five) is an everlasting remembrance of her. It is said that after reading this piece, Dr. Hōji said, "I had finally begun to forget this pain, but seeing those words deepened my nostalgia."
One day, Sōseki was walking aimlessly on a seemingly washed-out path with a green-brown parasol. He passed by a place called Hiyashimachi Performing Arts Hall and saw a woman sitting in a caravan; her fair face was deeply imprinted in the teacher's eyes, and he was momentarily entranced. The beauty politely greeted him, and only then did he realize she was Natsukiko. Several days later, when Sōseki met Natsukiko again, he candidly said, "When I saw such a beauty, I thought she might be an artist from somewhere." Natsukiko's face turned slightly red, but she accepted the teacher's compliment without displeasure. After quite some time, Natsukiko went to Waseda to find Sōseki, but unfortunately, he was arguing with Kyōko. Natsukiko talked with Kyōko for ten minutes before leaving. Feeling that he had been neglectful, Sōseki later went to Nishikata to apologize.
On November 9, 1910, in the evening of the lunar calendar, Natsukiko passed away in a villa in Ōiso, leaving behind three daughters and a nearly two-year-old son, at the age of 36. Now, in the cemetery in Tabata, Tokyo, Sōseki rests in Zōshigaya Cemetery, and Natsukiko's grave is also here, gazing at each other from a hundred years away. To mourn the prematurely deceased Natsukiko, Sōseki once composed a famous haiku: "All the chrysanthemums, thrown into the coffin, cannot comfort the mourning heart."
Zōshigaya Cemetery, Sōseki's grave
Sōseki's "Ten Nights of Dreams" (First Night) naturally rises in my heart. The woman who left behind the words "Please wait for me for a hundred years" before passing away merges in my heart with the talented woman resting in the grave. The novel concludes with: "The pure white lilies are heartwarming, and the dewdrops fall from above onto the flowers; the flowers tremble and sway under their own weight. I stretch my neck to kiss the lily petals in the cold dew, and when my face moves away from the flowers, I inadvertently catch sight of the distant sky, where a morning star twinkles alone. This full hundred years has arrived!"
Shuzenji
Shuzenji's major illness: On June 16, 1910, Sōseki was diagnosed with a stomach ulcer, hospitalized on June 18, and left for Shuzenji for recuperation on August 6. His condition worsened, and during his time in Shuzenji, Sōseki vomited blood three times, the third time amounting to 500 milliliters, losing consciousness for thirty minutes, and then lay in bed for another six months.
The Kikuya inn in Shuzenji Onsen, where Sōseki once recuperated