Hong Kong people, on the surface, seem calm and collected, but in reality, everyone is quite shrewd. Every time someone "treats" at a meal, it is a comprehensive contest of psychological warfare, face-saving, and wallet defense. If you want to get by in this land without going bankrupt or losing face, you must learn these unwritten rules: be generous but not too extravagant, be humble but don’t truly act like a pauper. Let me break it down for you and teach you a few tricks to ensure you become the one with "substance and face" at the dining table.

First, let’s talk about the order of treating. This is not something decided on a whim. In Hong Kong's dining culture, who treats has its "subtext." Generally speaking, the person with a higher status, older age, or someone who happens to need a favor that day will usually step up to be the "host." For example, if you just got promoted and your colleagues invite you out to celebrate, who else would treat if not you? Or if you ask a friend to help you with a job introduction, the meal is basically your implicit "investment in goodwill." However, this order is not set in stone; sometimes friends will play a bit of "mind games," deliberately pushing back and forth to see who will "give in" first. I have a friend, A-Jie, who pretends every time we eat together, saying, "Oh, last time you treated, this time it’s my turn, right?" He has said this for three years and hasn’t paid once because everyone thinks he’s "considerate" and rushes to pay the bill. This trick is called "retreating to advance." Newcomers can learn it, but don’t be too greedy, or you’ll eventually be exposed.

Should you rush to pay the bill? This question is practically a century-old dilemma in Hong Kong. If you rush, you might be accused of being "falsely polite"; if you don’t rush, you risk being labeled a "stingy person." In fact, there’s an unwritten "performance rule" for rushing to pay in Hong Kong. You need to do it naturally; you can’t act like you’re in a tragic play, crying and saying, "I’ll do it, I’ll do it," nor can you really wrestle with someone over the wallet like it’s a fight. The correct posture is: when the waiter brings the bill, you slightly rise, reach for your pocket, wear a half-true, half-fake smile, and say, "Oh, this time it’s my treat, don’t fight me for it." Then pause for two seconds to give the other person a chance to respond. If they don’t move, you decisively take out the money; if they say, "Next time," you smoothly back down, smiling and saying, "Alright, thank you for this time." This process shows your sincerity without truly emptying your wallet. Remember, rushing to pay isn’t about actually getting the bill; it’s about expressing an "attitude."

Of course, pushing back also has its nuances; excessive pushing can make people feel you’re being insincere. Hong Kong people dislike those who "say no but are very honest in their actions." For example, when the bill arrives, if you say, "Oh, this is too extravagant for you to treat," and the moment the other person relents, you immediately smile and withdraw, that can be a bit awkward. The essence of pushing back lies in "knowing when to stop." A couple of polite phrases are enough, like "You treated last time, so it’s my turn this time," or "Don’t be like that, it’s too formal," and then observe the other person’s reaction. If they insist on treating, don’t hold back; graciously accept and add, "Next time, it’s definitely my treat," which preserves face and plants the seeds for future goodwill. Conversely, if you are the one treating, don’t take others’ pushing too seriously. If someone is polite a couple of times, just nod and say, "Alright, then you treat," as that would create a very cold atmosphere! The correct approach is to smile and wave your hand, saying, "It’s fine, it’s fine, this time I’ll treat, we’ll talk about next time later," so everyone has a way out.

However, there are some occasions where splitting the bill is a hard rule; no one dares to treat, and no one feels comfortable being treated. For example, during the first meal among colleagues or when a group of not-so-familiar friends goes out, if you rush to pay, others might not appreciate it and instead think you’re "showing off," wondering, "Does this guy want us to owe him a favor?" In situations where the bill is split, Hong Kong people have a tacit understanding: when the bill arrives, everyone pulls out their phones, opens the calculator, and calculates meticulously, not even missing the two decimal places. Sometimes, to round it off, someone might say, "I’ll add five dollars, too lazy to get change." At this point, don’t foolishly say, "It’s fine, I’ll cover it all," or else everyone will look at you like you’re an inconsiderate nouveau riche. Splitting the bill is the "safety mode" of Hong Kong dining; it neither hurts feelings nor wallets, making it the perfect antidote in social situations.

Speaking of splitting the bill, I recall a joke. One time, I went out for hot pot with a few friends, and when the bill came to 500 dollars, with five people splitting it, each person owed 100 dollars. It was quite harmonious until one guy insisted on showing off his math skills, saying, "No, wait, the soup base is 68 dollars, the drinks are 32 dollars, the meat is 200 dollars..." After calculating for a long time, he concluded that each person should pay 99.6 dollars. Everyone looked at each other, wondering how to pay that 0.4 dollars. In the end, he pulled out a 100-dollar bill and insisted, "Forget it, I ate more, I’ll cover it." The waiter looked at us in confusion, probably thinking, "Did this group argue for 40 cents? Are they full and just messing around?" So, when splitting the bill, don’t take it too seriously; otherwise, it’ll feel like a tax audit, ruining the atmosphere.

So, how can you navigate Hong Kong dining situations with ease? I’ll give you a few tips to ensure you’re neither rude nor the life of the party. The first trick is called "pretending to be broke." When the bill comes, you can pat your pockets, sigh, and say, "Oh, the stock market has plummeted recently; I’m afraid I can’t afford it." Once you say this, everyone will laugh, and someone will likely chime in, "Come on, your stocks aren’t even enough to fill a gap in your teeth; I’ll cover it!" The benefit of this trick is that it tests the other person’s intentions while leaving yourself an escape route. The second trick is "strike first." Before the waiter even brings the bill, you quietly go to the counter and pay, then return and say, "Oh, I accidentally slipped my hand; I’ve already paid, next time you treat." This trick is suitable when you genuinely want to treat; it shows generosity and shuts others up. The third trick is "delay tactics." If you really don’t want to treat but feel awkward about rushing to pay, pretend to be engrossed in your phone or run to the restroom, and when you come back, act surprised, saying, "Oh, how did you finish so quickly?" This trick is a bit sneaky, but it works wonders against those who always want to mooch off others.

Of course, these tricks depend on the person. When dining with close friends, you can do whatever you want; at worst, you can make it up next time. But if you’re dining with your boss or elders, you need to be cautious. When your boss treats, be careful when rushing to pay; don’t truly take away your boss’s "face." When elders treat, don’t try to show off; they’re treating you out of goodwill, and rushing to pay can come off as inconsiderate. In such cases, the smartest move is to stand up halfway through the meal, raise a cup of tea, and say, "Thank you for treating today; I’m really sorry," which flatters the other person while not actually spending money—what a bargain!

Speaking of funny moments at dining tables, I must mention my friend A-Ming’s "treating accident." One time, he invited us to eat seafood, ordering a table full of lobsters and abalone, and the atmosphere was lively. However, when the bill came to over 2000 dollars, his face turned green. He initially insisted, "I’ll treat, I’ll treat," but when he looked in his wallet, he only had 500 dollars in cash and forgot his credit card. In the end, he had to ask us for help, saying, "Brothers, help me out; let’s split this for now, and I’ll treat next time!" We laughed until our stomachs hurt, teasing him while paying, "Treat next time? We might not dare to come next time!" So, before treating, make sure to weigh your wallet; don’t end up as the punchline of the dining table.

The culture of treating in Hong Kong is, in essence, a game of "face and substance." You need to make everyone feel you’re generous, but you can’t let yourself lose too much. You need to keep the dining atmosphere lively, but you can’t let your wallet cry out. Mastering these unspoken rules will allow you to navigate the dining table with ease, being neither rude nor failing to amuse everyone. Next time someone invites you to eat, don’t panic; follow the tricks I taught you, and you’ll surely become the "social star" at the dining table. When you go out to eat next time, remember to try the "pretending to be broke" trick; you might just save on a meal!