Hong Kong people may appear calm on the surface, but in fact they are all good people. Every "treat" at a dinner party is a comprehensive battle of psychological warfare, face warfare and wallet protection. Do you want to get along in this land without going bankrupt or losing face? Then you have to learn these unwritten rules. You must be generous but not too "arrogant". You must be humble but not really think of yourself as a poor person. Come on, let me break it down for you and teach you a few tricks to ensure that you become the "well-rounded" guy at the dinner table.

Let’s talk about the order of treating guests first. This is not decided casually. In Hong Kong's dinner party culture, there is a "subtext" about who to treat. Generally speaking, people with higher status, older age, or those who happen to need help that day will usually take the initiative to be the "host". For example, you just got a promotion and a salary increase, and your colleagues invite you to dinner to celebrate. If you don’t invite them, who will? For another example, if you ask a friend to help introduce you to a job, the meal order on the dinner table is basically your default "favor investment". However, this order is not rigid. Sometimes friends will play a little "scheming" and deliberately push them back and forth to see who can "admit defeat" first. I have a friend, Ajie, who pretends to say every time he eats: "Oh, you invited me last time, it's my turn this time, right?" As a result, he has been saying this for three years, but he has never paid for it once, because everyone thinks he is "interesting enough" and rush to pay the bill. This trick is called "retreating to advance". Novices can learn it, but don't be too greedy, otherwise the secret will be exposed sooner or later.

Do you want to grab the bill? This problem is simply the problem of the century in Hong Kong. If you grab it, you're afraid of being called "fake polite"; if you don't grab it, you're afraid of being labeled a "cheapskate". In fact, there is an unwritten "performance rule" for Hong Kong people to grab orders. You have to act naturally. You can't scream "I'll do it, I'll do it" with tears and snot in your nose like you are in a sad drama, nor can you really pull someone's wallet or fight. The correct posture is: when the waiter brings the bill, you stand up slightly, reach into your pocket, put a half-serious smile on your face, and say: "Hey, I'm here this time, don't fight with me." Then pause for two seconds to give the other party a chance to fight back. If the other party doesn't make any move, just pay decisively; if the other party says "next time", just get off the road and say with a smile, "Okay, okay, thank you in advance." Following this process will not only show that you are sincere, but will not really empty your wallet. Remember, grabbing an order is not really about grabbing it, but about grabbing an "attitude".

Of course, there is something to be said for giving in. If you give in too much, it will make people think you are hypocritical. Hong Kong people hate the kind of people who "say no, but are honest with their bodies". For example, when the bill comes, you say, "Oh, it's too expensive for you this time." But as soon as the other person relents, you immediately stop with a smile, which is a bit embarrassing. The essence of giving in is "enough is enough". Two or three polite words are enough, such as "You invited me last time, it's my turn this time" "Don't do this, it's too intrusive", and then see the other party's reaction. If the other party insists on inviting you, don't insist on it. Accept it openly and add "I will definitely come next time." This way you can save face and lay the foundation for the favor. On the other hand, if you are the one giving the treat, don’t take it too seriously when others give in. If someone is polite and you just nod and say, “Okay, then you’ll treat me,” that scene will be so cold! The correct approach is to smile and wave your hands, "It's okay, it's okay, I'll invite you this time, and we'll talk about it next time", so that everyone can get off the ground.

However, some occasions have an iron-clad AA system. No one dares to invite randomly, and no one is embarrassed to be invited. For example, when colleagues have a dinner together for the first time, or a group of unfamiliar friends go out to play, if you rush to pay the bill at this time, others may not be grateful to you. Instead, they will think that you are "pretending to be a boss" and they will mutter to themselves: "Does this guy want us to owe him a favor?" In AA-system situations, Hong Kong people have a tacit understanding of the algorithm: when the bill comes, everyone takes out their mobile phones, opens the calculator, and does the math without missing the two decimal places. Sometimes in order to round up the whole number, someone will take the initiative to say, "I gave you five more mosquitoes, I am too lazy to give change." At this time, don't stupidly say, "No problem, I'll take care of everything." Otherwise, everyone will look at you like a naive upstart. The AA system is the "safety mode" of Hong Kong restaurants. It neither hurts feelings nor the wallet. It can be called the perfect antidote to the social world.

Speaking of AA system, I think of a joke. One time I went to eat hot pot with some friends, and the bill came to 500 yuan, AA for 5 people, 100 yuan per person. It was originally quite harmonious, but then one guy insisted on showing off his mathematical talent and said: "That's wrong, the soup base is 68 mosquitoes, the drink is 32 mosquitoes, the meat is 200 mosquitoes..." After doing the math for a long time, we finally came to the conclusion that each person should be 99.6 mosquitoes. Everyone looked at each other, wondering how to pay for these 0.4 mosquitoes? Finally, he took out a 100 yuan bill and said, "Forget it, I've eaten too much, I'll make up for it." As a result, the waiter looked at us in confusion, probably thinking: "These people have been arguing for 40 cents for a long time. Are they full?" So, when making AA, don't take it too seriously, otherwise it will look like a tax bureau audit and the atmosphere will be ruined.

So, what exactly can you do to have a good time dining in Hong Kong? Let me give you a few tips to ensure that you are not rude and can amuse the whole audience. The first trick is called "pretending to be bankrupt". When the bill comes, you can pat your pocket, sigh and say, "Oh, the stock market has plummeted recently, I'm afraid I can't afford it." As soon as this is said, everyone will laugh, and then someone will follow the trend: "Come on, your stock is not enough to fill your teeth, I will do it!" The advantage of this move is that it not only tests the other party's mind, but also leaves a way out for yourself. The second move is called "strike first to gain the upper hand". Before the waiter takes the bill, you quietly go to the counter to pay the bill, and then come back and say: "Oh, my hand slipped accidentally, and I have already paid. You can treat me next time." This trick is suitable for when you really want to treat. It not only looks generous, but also blocks others' mouths. The third trick is called "delay tactics." If you really don’t want to invite and are too embarrassed to grab an order, you can pretend to lower your head and play with your phone, or run to the bathroom, wait for others to pay, and then come back and pretend to be surprised: "Oh, how did you get it done so quickly?" This trick is a bit damaging, but it is very effective against the kind of guy who always wants to eat and drink.

Of course, these tricks depend on the person’s taste. You can do whatever you want when you have a meal with your bestie, and you'll have to make up for it next time. But if you are dining with your boss or elders, you have to be careful. When the boss is treating you, you should be careful when grabbing the order, and don't really take away the boss's "face"; when your elders are treating you, don't be pushy. It's a sign of kindness for others to treat you, but if you grab the order, you will look ignorant. At this time, the smartest thing to do is to stand up and propose a cup of tea in the middle of the meal, saying "Thank you for the treat today, I'm so sorry."

Speaking of funny scenes at the dinner party, I have to mention my friend A Ming’s “treat accident”. Once he invited us to eat seafood and ordered a table of lobster and abalone. The atmosphere was lively, but when the bill came, he turned green with more than 2,000 mosquitoes. At first, I insisted on saying "I'll please, I'll please", but then I took out my wallet and saw that I only had 500 in cash and I forgot to bring my credit card. In the end, we had no choice but to ask for help, saying: "Brothers, please help me, please go ahead this time, and I'll invite you back next time!" We laughed until our stomachs ached, and while paying the bill, we teased him: "Please come back next time? We won't dare to come next time!" So, check your wallet first before treating, so as not to end up becoming the protagonist of a dinner joke.

Hong Kong's hospitality culture is, to put it bluntly, a game of "face and lizi". You have to make everyone think you're interesting, but you can't let yourself suffer too much. You have to make the meal lively but not make your wallet cry. By mastering these unspoken rules, you will be able to move in and out freely at the dinner table without being rude and making everyone laugh. If someone invites you to dinner in the future, don’t panic. Follow these tips I taught you to ensure that you become the “social star” at the dinner party. Next time you have a meal, remember to try the "pretend to be bankrupt" trick, maybe you can even save a meal!