The answer is often not black and white, but hidden in the chaos of daily life. As parents, who hasn't experienced that moment of frustration when you say something eight hundred times and they still don't listen? Either your voice is hoarse and the child still lets it go in one ear and out the other, or you are too strict, and the child goes into "cold war mode," not even giving you a glance. So today, let's talk about the balance of discipline, how to avoid turning the child into a "little emperor" while not forcing them to become a "little rebel," and how to make this little one willingly open up to you.

First, let's talk about the "not strict enough" side. Does your child occasionally come up with some "free play" antics? For example, when you ask them to do homework, they cover the walls with "abstract murals"; when you ask them to tidy up their room, they shove their socks under the bed, interpreting "chaos with order" as a philosophy of survival. At this point, you might need to reflect: have you been too "laid-back"? If you are not strict enough, the child may take your leniency as a free pass, thinking, "Since no one is watching, I can do whatever I want." I have a friend who claims to be a "free-range parent," and as a result, her son treats the living room sofa like a trampoline, jumping as if it's an Olympic qualifying round, and only when the sofa collapses does she realize, "Oh, I guess I need to set some rules." Children, by nature, test boundaries; if you don't draw a line, they might bounce off the ceiling.

But do you think that just being stricter will solve everything? Not necessarily. Being too strict can lead to bigger problems. Imagine if you followed your child around every day, constantly asking, "Have you done your homework?" "Where did you put your socks?" "Stop playing on your phone!" "Go to bed!" Doesn't that sound a bit like the monk battling the Monkey King? It's no wonder the child gets annoyed! I have a cousin who is like a "special forces" in discipline; her daughter is in third grade, and her daily schedule is busier than a CEO's: wake up at 7, breakfast at 7:30, homework at 8, piano practice at 10, afternoon tutoring, and at night, vocabulary memorization, leaving no time to breathe. As a result? That little girl looks at her mom like she’s seen a loan shark, her eyes filled with "help me," and communication? Nonexistent; at most, she lets out a cold grunt, too lazy to even pretend to care. Being too strict doesn't make the child obedient; it just makes them hold it in, eventually leading to a "teenage explosion."

So, how do we find the right balance? Simply put, you need to learn to be "relaxed yet measured," neither completely hands-off like a free-range approach nor overly controlling like a spy. It sounds simple, but it's much harder to execute, after all, children are not remote-controlled cars that obey at the push of a button. We need some strategy, a bit of humor, and a lot of patience. Next, I’ll share a few tips that are both practical and funny, ensuring your child gradually becomes willing to chat with you.

The first tip is called "playing dumb." When your child is misbehaving, don’t rush to yell or adopt the "I’m your parent" stance; try playing dumb. For example, if they haven’t finished their homework, instead of scolding them directly, you can innocently say, "Oh dear, did I forget to tell you yesterday that if you don’t finish your homework, the teacher will hang you at the classroom door as decoration? My memory is really bad, I’m so sorry." Once you say this, the child will likely roll their eyes, then while complaining about your "childishness," they’ll quietly pick up a pen. Why does this work? Because you’re not forcing them, and they feel embarrassed not to do it. The core of this trick is "indirectly saving the country," using a bit of humor to ease the atmosphere, so the child doesn’t feel like you’re "controlling" them but rather finds you amusing.

The second tip is called "choice trap." What do children dislike the most? Direct orders to do this or that. For example, if you say, "Go do your homework," they will definitely retort, "Why should I?" At this point, you need to learn to give them a bit of "false democracy." For instance, you can say, "Sweetheart, do you want to do your homework first or tidy up your room? You choose." On the surface, it seems like you’re giving them the freedom to choose, but no matter what they pick, they still have to do something. This "disguised as a discussion" tone can greatly reduce their rebellious mindset. I have a colleague who used this trick to manage her rebellious son; normally, getting him to do anything felt like pulling teeth, but when she said, "You can either wash the dishes or sweep the floor, your choice," he actually went off to do it, feeling quite independent.

The third tip is called "fighting fire with fire." Sometimes, children misbehave because they feel you are too "serious" and not on the same wavelength. So, you need to occasionally "go crazy" and play a bit of contrast. For example, if they are always playing games and not going to bed, instead of yelling, "Why aren’t you asleep yet?" you can sit next to them, grab the controller, and say, "Come on, let’s play a couple of rounds; whoever loses has to go to bed." What happens? They can’t beat you and end up sulking under the covers. You also earn the title of "cool mom," and next time you chat, they might actually be willing to talk to you. The essence of this trick is to make the child feel that you are not an "opponent" but an ally on the "same front," so they naturally won’t be so guarded around you.

Of course, relying solely on these tricks isn’t enough; discipline must be tailored to the individual. Is your child a "softy" or a "hardcore little rebel"? You need to analyze the specific situation. If they are the stubborn type, you need to be more patient and not expect to change them in a day. I have a neighbor whose son is a typical "stubborn mule." Once, he insisted on watching a horror movie at midnight, and she couldn’t persuade him, so she just watched it with him. As a result, he got so scared that he crawled into her bed at midnight, crying, "Mom, help!" After that, he never dared to stay up late again. She told me, "Sometimes you have to let them hit a wall; once they feel the pain, they’ll naturally listen." This makes sense; discipline doesn’t always have to be confrontational; occasionally letting them face minor setbacks can help them remember better.

Now, let’s talk about the pitfalls of "indulgence" and "harshness." Indulgence is like a gentle poison. You see those parents who "give in to everything the child wants"; on the surface, the child is happy, but over time, they start to think the whole world should revolve around them. I have a friend whose son gets everything he wants, and as a result, at ten years old, he still can’t put on his own shoes and always yells, "Mom, help me!" He’s practically a giant baby. Harshness, on the other hand, is another extreme; constantly scolding the child with a stern face. The child may appear obedient on the surface, but inside, they wish they could run away from home. I had a classmate in childhood whose dad was "iron-fisted"; every day he would check homework, and for every mistake, he would make him stand for half an hour. Later, he got into a good school, and the first thing he did was move out, never returning home for holidays. Would you call that success? He got good grades but lost family ties.

So, the ultimate goal of discipline is not to turn the child into a "listening machine," but to make them willing to communicate with you. You need to make them feel that you are not "controlling them," but "understanding them." How do you achieve this? Listening more and talking less is a good method. When your child complains about school, don’t rush to preach; let them finish speaking, even if they are just venting, you can nod and say, "Oh, that does sound annoying." They will feel you are on their side, and next time they have something to share, they will be more willing to talk to you. I have a childhood friend whose daughter was particularly rebellious during her teenage years, always arguing with her. Later, she learned to listen quietly, and gradually, her daughter went from "I hate you" to "Mom, what do you think?" This transformation was nothing short of a miracle.

Also, don’t always focus on the child’s shortcomings. We all understand that no one likes to be nagged about "what they are doing wrong"; children feel the same way. If you keep saying they are lazy, stupid, or disobedient, that little spark in their heart will eventually be extinguished by you. Try to praise them more; even if today they just cleaned their bowl, you can dramatically say, "Wow, my son is on the path to a Michelin restaurant!" They will find it funny and feel a bit proud, right? Over time, they might actually be more willing to do things to prove they are capable.

At this point, you might be wondering, "How much should I discipline?" The answer is: it depends on the situation. When children are young, rules need to be established, such as not hitting others or stealing snacks; these bottom lines must be firm. But as they grow older, you need to gradually loosen your grip, allowing them to make their own decisions, even if they make mistakes, don’t rush to jump in and save them. I have a friend whose son wanted to choose a niche major in college, and she was extremely anxious but ultimately refrained from intervening. As a result, he managed to turn that niche major into a popular one and is now quite grateful to her for "not interfering." Discipline is not a one-size-fits-all approach; it needs to be adjusted according to the child's growth.

Finally, we must admit that sometimes a child's disobedience is not due to poor discipline on your part, but because they are born with a bit of a "troublemaker" gene. Think about it; didn’t we also annoy our parents when we were young? My mom still remembers the time I took her lipstick and drew on the wall when I was ten; she almost threw me out. So, don’t take it too seriously; there is no perfect answer to discipline. If your child is misbehaving, just try more, smile more, and if all else fails, go a little crazy with them. When they grow up, they might even say to you, "Mom, those tricks you used on me back then were pretty funny."

The road of discipline is not easy, but as you walk it, you will find that the little temper of your child not listening is actually part of their personality. If you don’t push them too hard and don’t let them go too easily, they will naturally come closer to you. When the day comes that they voluntarily talk to you about school gossip or ask, "What are we doing this weekend?" you will know that you have found the right balance.