Our many years ago, I played a joke on my husband:
Me: Can you start making sandwiches?
Him: give me three seconds
Me: I'll do it, every Saturday!
BA-DUM-DUM TSSS!
From the long bench where our early eight-year-old selves sat, we heard mischievous laughter. What is he laughing at? we wondered. He couldn't understand that joke, could he?
Me: Hey, what's so funny?
Eight-year-old: Dad said sex!
He burst into a mischievous laugh.
Ok, I know what you're thinking. How does this little water factory know about birds and bees? Well, I'll tell you. Turns out his health teacher lost the script last year and taught his entire second grade class about sex instead of * Canadian Food Guide *.
I'm a pretty chill mom, my kid is a good kid, so this is pretty much fine. Actually, I only see the questions making the kid a millionaire because I'm afraid my kid will tell other kids and I'll become unpopular at PTA meetings.
Spoiler alert: I'm still unpopular at PTA meetings.
Knowing that Heath the teacher is no longer teaching health, we thought we had a few good years before we had to have this talk with our eight-year-old daughter.
Most days, we have post-school meaningful conversations like this:
Me: How was school?
Her: Good
Me: What did you learn?
Her: Nothing
But then one day, it went like this:
Me: How was school?
Her: Good
Me: What did you learn?
Her: nothing [long pause] 'Cept Sam said he wants to have sex with me
Play it cool, play it cool, play it cool.
Me: Oh? And do you know what sex means?
Her: Jackson said it's when you rub your penis and vagina together
Suddenly, my entire sexual history flashed before my eyes and well, I had to explain this definition - mostly accurately.
With the elephant out of the sexual idiom room, like a gateway