Last night, I went to the second landlord to watch a movie with my friends in the group, until I returned at more than two in the morning. After showering, he stood alone on the balcony and drunk liquor on the balcony. Suddenly, is this a life I want? Seems to be free every day, but there is no relaxation.

I know that on the one hand, I am worried about whether I will take the economic pressure of the mountains and air, and on the other hand, I also bear deep guilt. I always feel that my parents have not enjoyed life, but I am enjoying it. Although I knew that the fate of the parents should not be held, I still cared about it, as if the more unfortunately I was, the more worthy of them.

The place where you live now is at the foot of the foot of Emei Mountain. Many people in the community are running for the elderly. Listening to the second landlord said that most of the people who came here had generous pensions. From this point of view, I feel that I should continue 996 and 007 to live up to life.

On the way back last night, I asked some friends who were chatting in the group in the group, do you like your current life? The other party answered that I didn't know that when I was busy, it was not necessarily. I feel that I have been in this state these years. I can't wait to fly when I am busy. When I am free, I feel anxious, as if I have been sleeping for a while. So I always keep myself in a busy state, so that I don't know what relaxation is at all. In other words, I have never experienced the feeling of relaxation.

It starts from this year, and I have more and more believe in a word. It seems that the vast majority of what I did later was the promise of the previous year. I can't help thinking, why is it so decadent when I was young and not give myself some good promises. For example, wealthy, having a house and a car, finding a good person, and a pity ... why is it not the point, where is the horizon, wherever you die, do not want to live, goodbye to the next life ... These commitments? But thinking about it, the memory of the past is indeed very sad. There is no other thought except living, so it feels more and more difficult to be alive. It is better to die early. However, it shouldn't be collected, and life should never be a promise at that time.

I have read some relaxing articles on the Internet, saying that girls stay alone in the room, do not wear underwear, and eat when they want to eat, and even without washing all day, it does not matter if she does not go out for several days. Later, I did it, but in the subconsciousness, I was worried that the door door would not know that at one time it was suddenly opened, and then a person was dragged out of the quilt and was violent. This is not the plot of Xiao San in the dog blood plot. Just the test was not as good as the test or did something wrong, but it was more likely that the mother was unhappy for a while, the more angry, and then I took my routine operation. Therefore, in my parents' house, my room has no door. When I bathing in the bathroom, I did not know when my mother suddenly came in to the toilet or other. In the words of my mother, there are so many particular attention to the family.

It should also be because of these psychological shadows. When growing up, they pay more attention to privacy. For example, when looking for this house now, there is obviously a better environment and a more convenient choice for life, but still insist on this relatively remote house, the house is the house on the window. It has nothing to do with security, but it is also a sense of security in my heart. In a corner of no one, he is not concerned about secret work.

Why are there so many idlers in this world? I have worked hard to make "small transparency" and will be noticed. Is it the subconscious that the heart is eager to be watched because it is not loved? Or this kind of "weakness" always attracts people who are heartbroken. If the parents are the first bully of the child, then the "protection" that has been suffered is also a bullying.

Never believe that there is no reason in this world for no reason, maliciousness can be for no reason. For example, bullying is scared. I don't deny that my innate insight allows me to easily perceive danger, but I don't know how to fight. I always feel that it is even more unscrupulous if I do n’t just look at this? Parents always say that I am not as well -behaved as a child when I was a kid. But wasn't it the point of being clever at that time? The current rebellion may also be the resentment after they cannot control it.

Relatives are a terrible existence. It is mostly that they are not good at others. In virtuous, they are Yan Shen of their parents. Even if your child is unbearable, he will be busy when you see others a little loose. Sadly, parents are convinced of them. So, I did n’t learn to participate in a classmate party; I was uncomfortable and I could n’t see it; I said laughter with the boy, and it was a swaying and cheap; I was not educated while I walked to eat ice cream; Beggar on the table. I don't know what kind of attitude I should face to face my parents. She was cautiously said that the young lady who was accustomed to raising was unwilling to give her parents a good look. I smiled and said that it was heartless and lungs. Other people did not know what happened to lose money. I hid them, and there was a ghost in my heart that had to say one, two, three four in front of everyone.

If those ancestors, moving methods, Shentang, and pork cage are only existing in the feudal family, I think it is inappropriate. Because these are my daily experiences, but it has just become. My mother cried for the long -lasting grandmother's filial piety, my father did not see the slap that fell on me, or these slaps came from his patriarchal manifestations, was driven out of his house, and were siege and ridiculed by relatives of his mother's house ... I thought about finding other relatives for help, such as my aunt and uncle. But parents say that all parents in the world are not even good with your parents. It is useless to find who is, and people will only fight more.

So this time, I did not say hello to anyone, nor did I need those false concerns, and cleaned up my luggage and left. In fact, it was very tangled before leaving. On the one hand, he was afraid of leaving goodbye, and his parents' anger; on the other hand, he was tired and dismissed. Weighing again and again, there is still a sense of escape suffocation, and there is a confused future. Based on it, it was calm.

In fact, there are not so many audiences, fearing that "seeing" is from the picky of parents. Living in a family atmosphere for a long time, I do n’t know how I carried it. Parents always say that I know enough, and I have to know how to be grateful. As if I was born, I owed them. But did they ask me if I was willing? Their "task" requires me to "repay debts" and take the banner for you. Have you ever asked my opinion? From eating rice or noodles to be beaten, from the high girl who is not as high as the neighbor's peers, it will be beaten, never cut apple skin to be beaten. From the first time you learn matches, you waste a few more beating. The object is not as good as anyone, and filial piety is not as good as others ... Even if it is more than 2,000 kilometers, even if it is gangling with his father's WeChat, these fears are still like a shadow.

When typing just now, fear mistakenly became control. Yes, I am telling me that this is control.

I know why they are not in groups, and why the more people feel more lonely. It really responded to the "three people must have my teacher", even if the weak flashing point on others would become a glorious light that defeated me.

Before walking, I promised myself, and I won't think about the past. However, in an unfamiliar environment, even if the door is locked, even if you know that there is no pole outside the window, you must wear it neatly in the room, and the room must be cleaned up. Even the mine water bottle is not allowed to appear.

In the middle of the night, a person stood on the balcony with wet hair and blowing the night wind and drinking beer. It should be my biggest indulgence.

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