Suddenly I wanted to write something, but I do n’t know where I wrote it, but just let myself believe in the stable with an emotion. In fact, I originally wanted to write another diary about living, but I always felt that I owed something.

In the evening, I had a long time to chat with my old friends who hadn't seen it for many years. I found that Douyin is really amazing, so that people who have lost contact for more than ten years have the opportunity to find each other again. Fortunately, after this loss, I was also afraid, fearing that those psychological shadows would come again. But obviously, my fear was responded.

When chatting with my old friends, I can't help but mention the past, so I opened the door of memories. Fortunately, this memory did not provoke too much emotion, as if telling the story of others. I remember the last time I felt like this when I wrote a semi -autobiographical novel "Bow" many years ago.

I seem to be such a person. Whether it is miserable or happy in memory, I will always unconsciously add some dramatic interpretations, as if I am telling my own story, and it seems to be from the perspective of standing viewers. But when tracing the root cause, there is no dimension. Is this psychological memory redefine? In other words, the best way to cure yourself is to return to the past and change.

In fact, the protagonist of this time is also the protagonist of another semi -autobiographical novel. Some unfortunately, although the novel is the end of the complete tragedy, it is even more bloody in reality. It seems that there is less art processing and everything looks so naked. Maybe life itself is full of reality.

The young man who had been thinking about it finally turned into what I didn't like, and my heart had a trace of distress. This distress did not let the "Mother's Heart" flood again. That's okay, our relationship has finally entered a state of no gender security. I don't remember when I watched the emotional drama, there was no wave in my heart. It may also be that the current idol drama is too rough, but why can't you watch those classic love movies?

I am afraid of this feeling, making myself like an emotional walking dead, and I can't realize any love and hate. But I also like this feeling. Isn't it the most peaceful way like this? The calmness and calmness that has been yearning for so many years has merged into life like eating and sleeping. Some people say that the best life state is to see the head at a glance, and it is stable. It really became such a life, and I felt it was tasteless.

Late affection is not as good as grass, let alone each other does not show any feelings. If so, it may be a fellow, a classmate, and a friend, that's all. Let go, it should be.

Suddenly I talked about Mippi near my home when I was a kid, but I had no appetite as soon as I exit. What is "home"? This is the most discussed topic discussed after the two of us have re -established the contact, but avoid this word tacitly. I am single, and they are all single, but they did not talk about "Midnight Radio", which is rare. He said he would take me to eat when I go back and never want to eat again. For a moment, the scene where he was holding snacks outside my house in his mind. But soon, this scene was replaced by the mother's scolding. Of course he was not present, and his mother did not need to maintain politeness in front of outsiders. I did n’t buy me in a few packs of snacks, but I was worried that I would ask her for pocket money to eat snacks. I did n’t deserve it. Children in her teenage did not even have cheap snacks. Sure enough, when I entered the society, I was indeed cheated by cheap movements again and again.

Until now, I still can't understand the "good intentions" of my mother. It may be that the rebellion period has not ended. However, these are not important. If the heart is empty, everything is unhappy.

I don't know where my next step is, he said that he was retired as a day. It's good, don't worry about the issue of living, my young man can go through this life steadily.

Later, we talked about a lot of topics about death, and even had the same plan to dredge the same. If you change a few years ago, I should be happy. But now, only blessings are left. Looking at the "Rose Story" that is being played in the TV series, I just listen to too many people mentioning this hit TV series and treat it as a background music.

Until now, I still can't get along with others, let alone my parents will love their children unconditionally. Sometimes I think about it. When I missed it, it was God's will; I missed it again, but it was artificial.

However, it should be happy. For the rest of my life, there is a person who is concerned about in memory, and it should be more frank. I don't remember when it started, I always feel that my life is coming to atonement, and it must have done too many bad things in my last life. Otherwise, why would you be injured again and again? He said that when I envy others, others were also envious of me. I asked him, what do you envy me? He couldn't answer. Also, I have n’t contacted for too many years, and each other has changed a lot. Maybe compared with people who have no food, I should be enviable for the time being.

I told him that I believe in cause and effect. My uncle and uncle's children who had bullied me. My parents were so disgusted with my restaurant, but they helped them open the restaurant. My daughter -in -law is a girl who opened a dessert shop. My parents praised the girls who could do it, and when the branch opened, she made money. At that moment, the resentment in my heart reached its peak. Later, I heard that the daughter -in -law's daughter -in -law had cancer. I was too late to be happy, my mother seemed to be acquiesced with the idea of ​​making a catering, and proposed to let me go to their store for help. But when I asked how much salary, my mother was immediately angry: "Whoever has no difficulty, how can you be so ignorant now, it's in your eyes!" This time I didn't choose hard, but just refused to find an excuse. He praised me to learn clever. In fact, I knew not, but he was deliberately hiding emotions to be wronged.

The bottom family is like a crab in the basket, and no one can see anyone. I suddenly knew what they envied me, my poverty, my freedom, and the courage to leave. Even the rest of the life did not compromise with them. The only price paid is: a sensible child is not worthy of enjoying happiness.

If time goes back to junior high school or earlier, I will choose to resist or seek help when I first beaten. If time allows me to see the ending of this life in advance, I hope I won't wait too long. Suddenly, I thought the ability to lose sense was because of the experience of these two years. It should actually be a long time.

What is the only motivation to support me? have no idea. I only knew that a few days ago, my aunt sent a message to send me difficulties in a way of care. I replied to her: Forget me. Depression seizures, abandon treatment. Later, I felt that I was so counseled, and I was still making excuses to become the face of others.

What other agreements have been with him? It doesn't matter if you don't remember. I only know that if my heart can't be opened, I will draw it everywhere.

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