I just went to deal with a traffic violation this morning, which was caused by unclear road markings leading me to cross the line while turning. The nighttime photos sent from 12123 don't show any problems at all, and my online appeal was also rejected for the same reason, which is why I had to go to the traffic police team to find out the truth.

Actually, I went yesterday afternoon. The traffic police said that there are markings on that road, and if I have any objections, I should take a photo on-site to see whether the road markings are unclear or if I just didn't see them clearly. So, I went. The markings on the ground were barely visible during the day, but at night, they were completely invisible. Moreover, there are no streetlights on that road. Because I was worried about affecting the vehicles coming from the opposite direction, I didn't use my high beams, only my low beams. How could I judge the road markings in such conditions? I took five or six photos in one go and went back to the traffic police team this morning with the evidence.

The result will be notified to me within a week. But I keep thinking about another question.

Why is the government willing to spend billions building magnificent gates in remote areas but unwilling to repair the roads? Even if they just had workers repaint the markings on the ground to make them clearer, that would be fine, not to mention the pothole-ridden roads that have been flooded for years. There are countless such situations...

I remember discussing with a friend why Henan's economy is underdeveloped. My friend said it was because there aren't many "big factories" settling in. If they came, Henan could develop like Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou, and Shenzhen. But I don't think that's the case; the fundamental problem lies in vision and perspective. In the same four-year government leader elections, some places care about the economy, some care about infrastructure, and some care about appearances... But the economic foundation determines the superstructure. If the basic livelihood and people's needs are sorted out, appearances will naturally follow. It's just a pity that I don't know where all the annual financial allocations go and whose pockets they end up in.

The gate is indeed beautiful, and every time higher-level leaders come to inspect, they have to take a detour to show it off, which highlights the local officials' capable leadership. But right under the gate, there are ragged beggars—can't they see that? Yes, they can't see it. Because during the few hours or three to five days of the higher-ups' inspection, these "eyesores" will be "cleaned up." After that, who cares about any solid growth? Anyway, the performance that should be achieved has been achieved, and the funding that should be obtained has been obtained.

I remember hearing that to welcome the leaders' inspection, they painted green paint in the green belts, thinking it was a joke, but after witnessing it, I realized that reality is scarier than the rumors. They talk about striving to become a sanitary and civilized city, about being the most suitable small town for relocation... Enjoying on the bones of the dead, isn't it chilling at midnight?

Of course not, because the desire is insatiable. Today, they can pour paint in the green belts to strive for a sanitary and civilized city, poisoning stray cats and dogs. Tomorrow, they can come up with other excuses to make even more absurd actions for "appearances."

And this is one of the main reasons I genuinely hate this city.

It's said that there are many scammers in Henan, and on some level, I agree with this statement. In fact, people from Henan are very smart, but they lack "positive energy." I remember many years ago when I had just graduated from university and was looking for a job; when the recruiters heard I was from Henan, their disgust was unmasked. At first, I was quite unconvinced, but after experiencing more things, I gradually came to agree with some of it.

Another friend of mine speculated that it might be because my car has an out-of-town license plate, so I inevitably suffer some "losses," because the urban management department had just recruited two thousand auxiliary staff, whose main job is to check various violations, closely related to individual performance. Well, if this is true, I believe that with the "intelligence" of Henan people, they could definitely pull it off! Later, my friend suggested that I change to a local license plate to avoid a lot of trouble, and I was hesitating.

Recalling what that friend said: if several "big factories" settled in Henan, the economy would definitely develop. My first reaction to this statement was that even if they came, it might not be sustainable. Although everyone praises "Pang Donglai," how many "Pang Donglai" are there in Henan? Moreover, we all know a bit about how the local government bullied "Pang Donglai" in the past. For example, they made it impossible for "Pang Donglai" to operate, forcing them to suspend business for a year and a half. For example, they built a mall that was identical to "Pang Donglai," driving them away. And the result? They imitated poorly, right? That mall has been empty since it opened and is still idle now. That location is the CBD of this city!

Later, "Pang Donglai" chose another location to reopen, and the returning "Pang Donglai" was still bustling with people. This kind of initiative that reflects the people's will has undoubtedly slapped many faces. But on second thought, those who caused trouble back then might not feel slapped at all; they might even think the cake to be divided is bigger now.

Here, I really don't want to say that there are no absolute friends or absolute enemies, only absolute interests. Anyway, I haven't been to the reopened "Pang Donglai" even once, partly because I've been away for these years, and partly because I don't want to see some people's petty actions. Some people really feel that if they don't take advantage when they go out, they are at a loss.

In fact, when my friend reminded me to consider changing to a local license plate, I was also pondering another question. How long can I stay in this city? From the various opportunities in the city's larger environment to the trivial matters of my family, is this city worth us spending a lifetime that we cannot relive to continue to grind away?

A place filled with love is home, which seems applicable in many situations.

People can easily fall into the "crab trap," and those who harm themselves are often the unguarded ones. I also appreciate the repeated experiences; although they have made me lose the ability to trust others, they have also prevented a lot of harm. Loneliness is only occasional; after all, there are still many interesting souls in this world.

There are also some scattered thoughts I don't want to organize. If we talk about it in a metaphysical way, I should be incompatible with this place. Otherwise, why do I always feel unwell every time I come back, and why do I get drunk as soon as I touch alcohol? I don't think it's the hot climate causing confusion in my mind and other physiological reactions. But if it's the long-sealed psychological effects at play, that wouldn't be comprehensive either. The only explanation is: this place is detrimental to me!

So, I simply let go of my thoughts and respond to everything instinctively. If I feel wronged about a traffic violation, I go to the traffic police team to appeal; if I feel my parents treat me poorly, I see them less; if I feel I have nothing in common with old friends, I don't meet them. It's quite nice to watch dramas and write things by myself.

Then, why come back? While crossing the Qinling Mountains eight hundred kilometers away, I kept thinking about whether I still owe anyone in this life. Is there anyone's kindness that I haven't repaid? Are there any unfulfilled wishes in this life? My mind was blank, so I guess I'll just wait for fate's reminder.

Let's end the thoughts on traffic violations here. There are too many things in this world that we cannot control, so let's leave them to fate. Perhaps this trip back to Henan is also fate wanting me to learn something new?

The end