The atmosphere created by our whole person in space can be seen as a third layer of skin.
This layer of skin is invisible, yet it profoundly influences others' perceptions of us. It includes our posture, speech, behavior, and even the environments and backgrounds we choose. This layer of skin is an extension of our temperament, a combination of our inner cultivation and outer expression.
Posture and Behavior
Posture and behavior are important components of this layer of skin. A confident posture and graceful behavior often leave a deep impression on others. These non-verbal expressions convey our confidence, upbringing, and attitude. They are the silent language we use when communicating with others, and they are part of our personality.
Indeed, the Mehrabian rule, also known as the 7/38/55 rule, was summarized by psychology professor Albert Mehrabian through a series of studies, indicating that the first impression you give to others mainly comes from three aspects.
55% - refers to appearance, clothing, grooming, etc.;
38% - refers to tone, manner, and emotion when speaking;
7% - refers to the content of what is said.
Within this 55% share, dynamic posture and behavior account for an even larger proportion of appearance than clothing and grooming. I read about a famous lady from the Republic of China, the fourth Miss Guo Wanying from the Guo family of "Yong'an Department Store" in old Shanghai. She received a Western education from a young age, lived a life of luxury, and was a true aristocrat. She married her ideal partner, Wu Yuxiang, a top student from Tsinghua University, who was also a descendant of Lin Zexu.
During the turbulent times, Wu Yuxiang was imprisoned, and Guo Wanying was sent to the countryside. As the daughter of a capitalist, Guo Wanying was not only assigned to clean toilets and wash commodes, doing various heavy labor, but she was also frequently taken for struggle sessions and humiliation. However, after each ordeal, she would still tidy herself up neatly.
When she had some free time, she would even prepare delicious food for herself. Without a steamer, she could use an aluminum pot to steam delicious cakes; without tea sets, she would directly use an enamel jar to enjoy her homemade afternoon tea. In her later years, when a foreign journalist asked her about those labor reform years, she elegantly straightened her back and said, "These labors helped me maintain my figure."
Think of such a socialite; even if her beautiful clothes were taken away, she would still create a beautiful castle for herself with her elegant demeanor and behavior, and she would undoubtedly be the queen of it!
The Art of Conversation
It can be said that apart from the 55% impression given by appearance and behavior, the remaining 45% is related to language.
Conversation is our main way of communicating with others and is key to shaping the third layer of skin. Our language expression ability, choice of vocabulary, and changes in tone can reflect our thoughts, emotions, and upbringing. Good conversation can enhance interpersonal relationships and showcase our wisdom and charm.
Clear and accurate expression in conversation can help us avoid misunderstandings and conflicts. When expressing opinions, we should strive to use concise and clear language, avoiding lengthy and vague descriptions. At the same time, appropriately using metaphors and stories can increase the vividness and persuasiveness of our language.
Adapting to different communication styles is also part of the art of conversation. Everyone has their unique way of communicating; some prefer to be direct, while others tend to express themselves more subtly. Understanding and adapting to the other person's communication style can help us communicate more effectively.
A sense of humor is the lubricant in conversation. Appropriate humor can ease tense atmospheres, increase the interest of dialogue, and make communication more relaxed and enjoyable. However, the use of humor needs to be cautious, ensuring it does not offend others or divert the conversation from the topic.
Finally, the art of conversation is also reflected in our empathy. In communication, we should learn to think from the other person's perspective and feel their emotions, so we can better connect with others and earn their trust and respect.
In summary, the art of conversation is a skill that requires continuous learning and practice. Through constant practice and reflection, we can improve our communication skills, better connect with others, and achieve greater success in life and work.
When it comes to the art of conversation, another very important point is not only about speaking but also about listening. Listening is a form of respect and wisdom. In dialogue, we should learn to patiently listen to the other person's viewpoints and needs, so we can better understand them and respond appropriately. Effective listening includes non-verbal communication, such as body language, facial expressions, and eye contact, all of which are indispensable parts of conversation.
Integration of Inner and Outer
Based on the 55/38/7 rule, we are reminded to have more awareness of ourselves, allowing it to become a bridge connecting our inner and outer selves, as well as our outer expressions and conversations. We need to continuously self-reflect and improve, allowing our inner cultivation to be reflected in our outer expressions. This consistent expression of inner and outer can make the beauty of our existence more authentic and persuasive.
As long as we are aware of the consistency principle based on integration, we will begin to let our inner light guide us, enabling us to live out our vision, and our inner and outer selves will inevitably become more coordinated and consistent.
Cultivating Temperament
Just as the integration of inner and outer is a long-term project, temperament is not something that can be formed overnight; it requires our long-term cultivation and practice. Through reading, traveling, learning, and communicating, we can continuously enrich our inner world and enhance our temperament. At the same time, we also need to pay attention to our outer expressions, making our behavior and demeanor more appropriate and elegant. The combination of inner and outer is key to cultivating temperament.
Becoming an Impression in Others' Memories
A person's temperament often transcends appearance, becoming the most lasting impression in others' memories. This impression reflects our personality and style and serves as a bridge for connecting with others. By cultivating a good temperament, we can leave a deep impression in others' hearts, becoming an indelible part of their memories.
There are many possibilities to fill and expand upon regarding these three layers of skin, as each person's uniqueness will create different forms of expression, making the world so rich, colorful, and beautiful. Under the interaction of the three layers of skin, we can all construct a multidimensional self-image. They influence each other and collectively shape our image in the eyes of others. By understanding and effectively utilizing these three layers of skin, we can better showcase our beauty.