Breaking up is hard! If you plan to break up with your boyfriend, you may feel nervous or uncertain. Before the conversation, think clearly about your reasons for breaking up and rehearse what you want to say. When you're ready, if possible, say it in person. Be as clear as possible and avoid leaving too much room for interpretation, as this may give him false hope. Try to end the conversation with kindness or a positive attitude before the breakup.

Choose the time and place to break up

Break up with him in person. You and your boyfriend have been through a lot together! The best way to respect your relationship is to break up with him face to face. If distance is an issue, arrange a video call with him. If that's not possible, a phone call is the next best option.

• Avoid breaking up via text or instant messaging, as this method is hurtful and impersonal. Only write a letter or send an email if you have tried to break up in person and he changed his mind.
• If you are in an abusive relationship, it is acceptable to break up via phone, email, or letter. Your safety is the most important thing.

Meet him in a relatively private place. Ask him to take a walk with you or meet him in a park or similar location. This way, after the meeting, you can part ways. If you invite him to your home, it may be awkward, or he may be reluctant to leave.

• If you are unsure how he will react, arrange to meet in a more public place, such as a café.
• If you are worried he might react poorly, you can ask a friend to accompany you. They can be nearby but out of sight in case you need them.

Consider the timing carefully. Choose a time when both of you can talk privately without interruptions. Wait until the end of the day to talk, rather than in the morning before he faces a full day of studying or work. If possible, talk on a Friday so you both can process your feelings privately over the weekend.

Don't rush into it, and don't break up during an argument. In a heated argument, it's easy to say things you shouldn't. Give yourself time to think before losing your boyfriend. You may realize you want to work things out with him, or your perspective on the situation may change.

• Give yourself a few days to think carefully and determine if breaking up is what you really want.

Don't wait too long or avoid the situation. While it's important to give yourself time to think, once you are sure this is what you want, don't delay the conversation. In the long run, procrastination will make it harder for him, or the information may leak, and he will eventually hear about it from someone else.

Tell him how you feel

Rehearse what you want to say in advance. Discuss what you plan to say to your boyfriend with someone you trust. Alternatively, you can practice in front of a mirror. Anticipate his reactions and prepare responses based on what you think he will say.

• Practicing can help you avoid rambling or saying things you might regret.
• Remember, no matter how well you prepare, his reaction may still be different from what you expect.

Get straight to the point. Breaking up is hard enough. Once the conversation starts, there's no need to drag it out. Let your boyfriend know you want to have a serious talk. You can start with:

• “I've been wanting to talk to you about something.”
• “I've been thinking about our relationship, and I've made a decision.”

Clearly state that you want to break up. Be considerate but firm so he doesn't have room for interpretation. Don't leave things unresolved or give him false hope. Generally, it's best to be direct about wanting to break up. For example:

• “So, I want to break up.”
• “I want to continue being friends, but I don't want to be your girlfriend/boyfriend anymore.”
• “I'm not happy with our relationship.”

Be straightforward about why you want to break up. Don't be vague or beat around the bush. It's best to tell him honestly and directly why your relationship isn't working. You can say:

• “I'm not ready for a serious boyfriend right now.”
• “I feel like something is off. I'm not happy.”
• “We argue more than we have fun together.”
• “There's someone else.”

Don't lie to make him feel better. If you are breaking up due to more pressing issues, saying “I don't have time for a relationship right now” is not a good idea. This can be seen as a way to entice him. He may continue to contact you, hoping to reconcile.

If this makes him upset, tell him you're sorry. Even if you want to be very clear about breaking up with him, it's best to explain that you're sorry if this situation hurts him. Try to put yourself in his shoes and imagine how he feels. You can say:

• “I'm sorry if this news makes you sad.”
• “I'm sorry if I hurt you.”
• “I know this may be hard to hear, and I'm sorry for that.”

Listen to him. After you finish, your ex will likely have some comments. Be respectful and actively listen to his thoughts. Let him say what he wants to say, but if he starts begging or trying to change your mind, firmly reiterate your choice. Then, tell him you think it's time to leave.

• If he becomes rude or violent, say: “I feel unsafe, so I'm going to leave.” Call a friend when you leave to let them know what happened.

End the conversation with kindness or positive words. Wrap up the conversation quickly, but try to end on a positive note. Try to say something heartfelt rather than just saying nice things or leaving quickly. You can say:

• “I will always remember the special times we had together.”
• “Whoever you date next will be lucky to have someone like you.”
• “I know we will always care about each other.”
• “I'm glad we got to know each other.”

Cut off contact with him. After the breakup, try to minimize any chance of either of you contacting him. Return all his belongings immediately to eliminate any reason to contact him later. Then, delete his contact information from your phone and remove him from your social media “friends.”

• Make sure to break up completely. Don't talk to him again just to make him feel better. This may lead him to believe he has a chance to reconcile with you.

Give him some space. If you want to remain friends, give him some time before bringing it up or suggesting it. Don't expect him to do this right away, especially if he was unprepared for the breakup. It's best to avoid places he frequently goes for at least a while.

Any unavoidable interactions should be brief and sweet. If you still have a good relationship with your ex, you should still be cautious in the early stages. Too much contact may lead him to think there is a chance for romance to rekindle. Keep any contact brief and to the point.

• For example, if you see him in a social group, you might say “hi” and then find a seat near other friends to reduce the opportunity for conversation.
• Make sure not to ask about his personal life or share your personal life when interacting with him.

Seek support from family and friends. Just because you initiated the breakup doesn't mean you aren't hurting. Spend time with supportive friends and share your feelings with them. Vent if you need to! Family can also be a source of support after a breakup.

• For example, you could have a movie night with your best friend. Choose light or comedy films to keep the mood upbeat.
• Have brunch with your parents or siblings. Vent if you need to, or just spend some time catching up.

Change your routine with new activities and new people. Ending a relationship can leave a void in your daily life, as you used to spend a lot of time together. Change the status quo by adding new activities to your schedule and doing different things.

• For example, if you used to walk to class with your boyfriend, you might start walking with a new group of friends.
• Try joining a club or organization. Check out new restaurants or parks. Fill your calendar with exciting activities and social events.
• Spend more time developing your hobbies or start a new hobby you've been interested in. For example, you could take a cooking class, join a recreational sport, or audition for a play.